She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize