Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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