i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
