I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
