He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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