so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
