You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
