We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
