I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
