Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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