yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
