I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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