Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
