I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
