I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize