you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
