idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
