I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
