how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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