i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
