If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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