I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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