it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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