There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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