i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
