We're like a lot better than the average bears
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
