evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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