I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
vagina is talking i cant
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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