tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
