I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
