I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
