god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
