Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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