this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
