They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
