i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
