I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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