wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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