upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
