I've blown a few things in my day
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I supernannyed him into submission
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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