There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
smell my finger.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize