Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
