im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
