3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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