you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is Oprah even human
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
