Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
