My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
