i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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