she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
