i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
