roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
