my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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