Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
