On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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