Me. At least after what I've been through.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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