i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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