My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize