Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
