you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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