Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
