I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
