hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
