I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
