making cat noises will not fix the situation.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize