Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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