It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
