He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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